**Warning: This post is graphic in nature, and is intended to help women who are experiencing a miscarriage by sharing the details of my experience. In doing my own search for advice, stories, and camaraderie in the midst of my miscarriage experience, I realized that there was very little available that was “real” and not filtered through the medical community. While the medical community has good advice to share, in the moments of experiencing my miscarriage what helped me most were stories and details shared by other women who had been through the same thing. It helped me understand that what I was experiencing was normal, and that there was an end to the dark tunnel I was walking through. There were a few amazing women who provided this for me, and I want to do the same for others. If my story helps you or you want to chat further, I can be reached at Alyssa.McGrew@gmail.com**
Day 1
Day 1 started normally. I took the kids to a party, cleaned and organized a storage area, and was pretty much enjoying a normal day. Around 6 pm, however, I started experiencing some cramping. I was 9w4d, and while I had been experiencing some “stretching” type cramps for the last few weeks, I could tell these were different. In retrospect, these cramps felt like a very mild version of labor cramps (which, in fact, they were). I laid down, drank some water, and tried to relax. At this point, I didn’t yet realize anything was wrong. Around 10 pm, I had some very light pink spotting, but only enough to detect when I used the bathroom. By 11, the spotting was gone, the cramps were subsiding, and I went to bed thinking everything was fine.
Day 2, AM
After sleeping for just 3 hours, I awoke at 2 am with the return of both the cramping and the spotting. This is when I started to worry that perhaps something was not right. I spent a few hours trying to relax, looking up the symptoms of miscarriage, and convincing myself that what I was experiencing did not mean that a miscarriage was starting. This is where I was frustrated by the medical community. All the “reputable” sites said that every symptom I had was both “normal in a healthy pregnancy” and “a possible sign of miscarriage.” Not very helpful! Nothing I was experiencing was cause for a trip to the emergency room, so when the cramping subsided after a few hours, I went back to bed.
After another fitful 2 hours of sleep, I woke around 7 am, immediately assessing how I was feeling. No cramping. No “wet” feeling. I took a sigh of relief and headed to the bathroom, only to find bright red blood on the paper. I think this is when I “knew” although I would spend the next 7 hours trying to convince myself everything was ok.
I spent the day in the recliner, watching HGTV and trying to find more information on miscarriage and what I was experiencing. Still not finding much in the way of useful information, and still not having much cramping, I was just trying to relax and stay hopeful. Still, nothing that Wed MD or the American Pregnancy Association said warranted a hospital visit, so I stayed home.
In retrospect, here’s what I would tell you precious women who are reading this in the middle of this experience yourself. If I had gone to the ER for an ultrasound on Sunday, I would have gained some information that I do not have now. For example, when did my baby’s heart quit beating? Was this a molar pregnancy? Did the baby grow to 8 or 9 weeks? Was the placenta implanted properly? I will now never have any of those answers. Obviously, none of that would have changed the outcome, and yet some of you know already that having this information may help you recover, help you grieve. If you think it would help you, GO! You’ll never be able to go back and change that. If on the other had, you feel it’s more valuable to you to stay at home for the solitude and quiet, then that is what you should do. Most experts will agree that going to the hospital will not save your first-trimester baby if a miscarriage has started, so the choice to go or not go is really yours. Do what you feel will help you the most.
Day 2, PM
By 4pm, I was again experiencing mild cramps that would come and go. I told myself that they were gas pains, because they would come and go. None of what I had read ever told me that miscarriage pains would be, essentially, labor pains. It wasn’t until later that I realized these were contractions. By 4 pm, they were only a minute apart, and growing painful, although not in a way that could be compared to labor with a full-term baby.
I laid down to try to nap, when I suddenly felt a popping sensation. It was exactly the same as when my water broke before my son’s birth. I don’t know how that is possible at 10 weeks, but that’s what I felt. It was only a moment before I realized that this was a miscarriage, and there was no explaining it away any longer. A few moments after that popping sensation, I felt a huge gush of fluid and blood. I didn’t make it 12 feet to the bathroom before my previously dry pad was soaked, and I was in need of a change of clothing. I remember telling my husband that this was a miscarriage, and I was going to need the bathroom to myself for a while.
For the next 3 hours, I was in the bathroom, giving birth to a baby I would never have the chance to meet. Because the kids were home, my husband kept them occupied while coming to check on me, but I spent most of those hours alone. (Here is where I tell you that if you think you are beginning to miscarry and you choose not to got the hospital, your older kids need to head to a friends house, pronto. Especially if you have only one bathroom in the house!)
Rather then rehash the entire 3 hours, as it was pretty much the same experience for the entire time, here’s a summary. First, there were contractions. Lots of contractions. They were just like labor pains from my previous births, only not quite as intense. There was a transitional period, where the contractions did not let up for 15-20 minutes solid, after which the largest clots and pieces of tissue, including the baby and the sac, were expelled. There was also blood, lots of it. I gave up trying to wipe, and just stayed put on the toilet. For over an hour, it was a steady stream (so no point in using a pad). It’s hard not to worry about this much blood loss, but remember that your body has been making extra blood since the beginning of your pregnancy, and your body is capable of dealing with it. (However, if you start to feel dizzy, or faint, it’s time for the ER, since it is possible to lose too much blood. Make sure there is someone available to drive you if needed).
When you start passing tissue and clots, you have 2 choices. You can simply flush them (flush frequently to avoid clogs- trust me, that is the last thing you want to be dealing with). Or, you can sit on a strainer , and check each clot for signs of the baby, the sac, and the placenta. Sometimes, the docs will want you to collect this tissue for genetic testing, and they may also want to verify that you have passed all of those things. Honestly, though, each doctor feels differently, and when it comes to making sure you have passed everything, an ultrasound and bloodwork can take care of that without collected tissue. (I am not advising anyone to ignore their doctors advice, just sharing my experience).
There will be large clots, as big as lemon, or your fist. Scary as that is, it’s also normal from everything I have learned. Clots will feel like jelly, and you can easily poke your finger through them. Tissue will be firmer and tougher, and you won’t be able to poke right through it. The size of the sac, placenta, and baby will depend on the baby’s gestational age, as well as other factors. That part is a lttile different for everyone. The thing you need to know is that there will be tissue, and clots, and you need to pass them, so don't try to fight it.
After about 3 hours, I was able to put on a large pad and move to the couch. I ate something (you need to do this! It helps keep you from going into shock from the blood loss), and took some iron (do that too, you will probably be anemic for the next week or so). The contractions eased at this point, and went back to being menstrual-like cramps. By bedtime, I was able to sleep (probably helped by sheer exhaustion).
Day 3
I started the morning by calling my doc, who ordered bloodwork to test my Beta (pregnancy hormone levels. Those came back normal for 9-10 weeks gestation, and they wanted to send me home to wait 48 hours for another blood test. At this point, though, I did insist on an ultrasound, and it was scheduled for the afternoon. The cramping was gone for most of the morning, but was more intense in the afternoon. I don’t want to discourage you, but honestly, this cramping was worse then the pain of the previous evening. I passed a few large clots after about 3 hours of cramping, and it subsided again.
The ultrasound finally happened around 3 pm. It was quick, and confirmed what I was already fairly sure of: our baby was gone, and my uterus was empty. It showed nothing but a little blood left, which is why Day 5 was such a surprise, but we’ll get there in a moment. After the ultrasound I felt strangely relieved. I was so relieved just to KNOW what had happened, to know that I was going to be fine (without medical intervention), and by the thought that the miscarriage was nearly complete.
We picked up the kids, made supper, did laundry, and the normalcy of the evening was very welcome.
Day 4
By the time I woke up, I was bleeding only like a light period day, the cramping was gone, and I physically felt like I was on the mend. Emotionally though, this is when it really hit me. My amazing friends took my kids for the day, and I spent the day alone. I cried a lot, cleaned a little, and tried to rest. This was exactly what I needed. While it was a sad day, it was the perfect timing for a day alone where I was free to just cry, grieve, pray, whatever I needed to do. The same amazing friends made dinner for us. I got very little done, but I healed a lot that day, just by allowing myself to have that day for ME. It was Valentines Day. Not one of my favorite Valentines ever, but my husband was so understanding and kind. I got flowers and chocolate, which of course made me cry again, but that’s the way it goes sometimes.
Day 5
Bloodwork today. Doctor wanted to check that my Betas were going down appropriately. I had to drive 35 minutes to the lab, and during that time I had the worst cramping yet. Honestly, this time it was once again much more painful then anything I have felt before. I could barely walk into the lab. The cramps were sharp and stabbing, the one and only time that happened. After a quick trip to Wal-Mart (only because there were some serious necessities at this point!) I drove home. The cramping was nearly gone by the time I arrived home, but about 15 minutes later, I passed another piece of the placenta. About twice the size of my thumb, it was obviously the reason for the strong cramping. I think that my cervix had probably closed, or started to close, when my body realized that there was something else that needed to be expelled. After that, the rest of the day was uneventful.
Day 6
This day was pretty emotional again. I didn’t have a lot on the schedule, so I took my time with the household tasks and tried to rest. For those of you that work, I can tell you that this was the first day I would have considered trying to go back to work, if I was in your place. It’s probably different for everyone, but just to give you an idea of how you might feel, there it is. My betas came back, and they were dropping normally, so I was told to rest and schedule another draw for 2 weeks later.
Day 7
This was the last day of cramping (only mildly, off and on) and of the heavy bleeding. By the end of the day, I was only spotting, and this continued to Day 13. I was pretty emotional for those first 2 weeks, and as I am writing this on Day 14, I can tell you that each day I am a little steadier, a little less prone to tears. I am sure I will continue to heal as more time passes.
I will update in another week, after my next Beta’s come back. Please leave me a comment or email me if you want to talk. I’d be honored to pray for you during or after your miscarriage experience, as well as offer any help or support I can. I hope that reading this has helped you.
Hugs,
Alyssa
